ICU – The worst 40 hours of my life! (post 5)

As I was extremely fit before the stroke my normal blood pressure was low and it had been mentioned that I would most likely be sent to ICU after surgery to maintain this, the main reason being to prevent the development of hypertension (HTN) that could lead to another stroke. Initially when I woke from surgery my vitals were looking good and I was told I wouldn’t be going to ICU, what a relief! I was going to be monitored for a few hours in the recovery ward. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a toilet on the ward which meant I had to use a pan on my hospital bed whilst laying down on a 45 degree angle (my head needed to remain elevated after surgery) which is surprising quite challenging and uncomfortable – I felt humiliated, even more so than using the commode.

As soon as Ryan left that evening, I took a turn for the worse and I started violently throwing up which of course pushed my blood pressure up drastically. At this point the vomiting overrode any pain I may have been feeling. I burst into tears begging the nurse to help me with anti-nausea relief and I was shattered to hear I was already being pumped with anti-nausea through the IV. Each time I was sick I could see the stress and concern in my nurse’s face as she watched my blood pressure rise. In the mid hours of the morning I was moved to ICU where I could be monitored 24 hours of the day by a single nurse. As I was being transferred, I remember feeling like I had no control over my body or what was happening to me. Every time I opened my eyes, I vomited. The ECG patches I had on me were stripped off and replaced with what was used in ICU. The smell of one of the nurse’s perfume didn’t sit well with me and made me feel even more sick.

The ICU ward was extremely bright and had a large platform in the centre with desks/computers etc and the beds (pods) were around the platform. I remember opening my eyes at one point, my hospital gown was pulled down, chest out and I could see a man with long hair over his face looking at me through a gap in the curtain. I felt violated but couldn’t keep my eyes open or even attempt to cover my chest back up. The next time I managed to open my eyes the same man was in my pod looking over and talking to me explaining where I was and what was happening. He was the head nurse on duty and obviously completely harmless. The feeling of not having control over my body and coming in and out of consciousness is still so clear in my mind.

After surgery I was initially on a GT (Glyceryl Trinitrate) infusion which was ceased in ICU and replaced with metoprolol and amlodipine to prevent hypertension.

My morning nurse was so lovely and made me feel very comfortable especially as I still required to pee in a bed pan. A similar age to myself, she was also a mum of two young children and she really sympathised with what I was going through particularly being away from my kids for so long. After a few chats throughout the day we worked out that we had a mutual friend.

Mid-late morning, the nurse phoned Ryan for me and said he would be in to visit. She encouraged me to brush my teeth and offered to brush my hair, but I honestly didn’t have the energy to do either or even care for that matter. Before the surgery I had given my phone to Ryan, so I didn’t have to worry about where it was. Since this time Ryan has expressed the difficulty and angst he felt as he was unable to contact me directly for several days. I feel guilty about this now as I would hate to be in that position but thinking back to the time I honesty wasn’t capable of even looking at my phone without being sick.

The neuro team popped by to check on me and removed the bandage that was wrapped around my head to look at my wound, it was nice to see some familiar faces.

It’s safe to say when Ryan arrived in ICU he was shocked to see the condition I was in compared to when he had left me the night before. When asking him about this visit, he said I literally opened my eyes for a total of one minute over the couple of hours he was there for. I remember feeling terrible as all I wanted to do was sleep and I encouraged him to leave and be with our kids.

That afternoon I was moved to a ‘quieter’ section of ICU to help with my rest and I was assigned a new nurse who happened to be a male. He was a big guy full of energy and bouncing off the walls and again made me feel very comfortable until… I had to pee in the bed pan. Having a male who was a similar age to myself help me go to the toilet whilst laying down was mortifying. He also managed to change my bed sheets whilst I was still on the bed which was quite amazing and gave me a sponge bath (another humiliating moment). My parents were also eager to come and visit me along with my youngest sister as it was her birthday. Ryan warned them that I was not in a good way and prepared them for my condition.

Later that evening I was taken for a CT scan POD1 (postoperative Day 1) for the nausea and HTN. I remember panicking as I knew I now had metal plates in my brain and was worried they would react to the machine. I was assured there was no harm in performing the scan. The CT showed near complete evacuation of the left cerebral parenchymal haemorrhage and no new haemorrhage was identified, therefore the surgery proved to be a success. There was however a collection of gas (medically known as pneumocephalus) underling the scalp incision which could explain why I was so nauseous and lethargic. I was then wheeled back to my ‘quiet’ pod in ICU to get some rest for the night.

I could feel that the anaesthetic from the surgery was finally starting to wear off and I wasn’t feeling so drowsy. I asked the nurse if there was a reason why I couldn’t attempt to physically get out of bed and go to the toilet and she said no if I felt up to it that was fine. Before the surgery I had started to get some control of my right leg back and this was the first time I was going to use my body in the last 40 hours or so. My strength and control had reverted to the same state as when I was originally admitted to hospital. The nurse assisted me across the ward to the bathroom and with her guidance I was able to go without requiring a commode, winning! No more bed pan!!! Once back in my bed I settled in ready to get some rest however that dream was short lived as I was given high flow nasal prongs as increased oxygen flow had been proven to reduce Pneumocephalus. The machine was loud, cold and so uncomfortable.

Around 2am my quiet section of ICU was suddenly the hot spot with nurses rushing around everywhere. I could hear them talking to the patient however they weren’t getting a response. As we were only divided by a curtain, I could hear everything. The patient had been transferred from the Alfred hospital and prior to that he had been found overdosed in the safe injecting room in Richmond. Drugs, a subject that I have a very strong opinion and I remember thinking how is this fair. Here I am, a fit and healthy (almost) 30 years old and I still end up in a critical condition in ICU next to a drug user who obviously doesn’t care about his body and what he’s putting in it. As the night went on, I also heard that his blood tests were positive for HIV, in all honesty I freaked from this point. I am naturally a ‘worrier’, that’s just part of my personality, and I was so scared that somehow (I don’t know how) I was going to be infected in some way.

During the day the head nurse of ICU would do her rounds for the latest on every patient’s condition, she had the loudest and most annoying voice I have ever heard, and she spoke at 100 miles an hour. It was now Thursday morning, 2 days since surgery and it had been mentioned that my vitals were finally under control and there was a chance, I could be sent back to the high dependency ward at 6 West. I cannot explain how excited I was. I overheard the nurses discussing that by 10am there would be a spot for me there, it couldn’t come around fast enough. Well…. when 10am hit my nurse was on her break and as soon as she returned, she was asked to relieve another nurse for his break which then dragged my move out for another hour…. I absolutely hated my time spent in ICU, when I work it out, I was in there for less than 40 hours, but it honestly felt like a week.

ICU Austin Hospital

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