As the end of the year fast approaches, I began to think about the goals I would like to achieve in 2020 however; I thought it was important to reflect on 2019 and the year it was before I focus on the year ahead.
We welcomed the new year surrounded by our closest friends and family at my parent’s beach house and enjoyed a wonderful day spent on the beach followed by pulled pork burgers and ciders on the deck, it was perfect! As I was training for my first half marathon which was to be in March and approaching 30 in April, I was determined to hit the big 30 the fittest and healthiest I had EVER been. I dedicated the first few months of 2019 to my training which included a combination of long distance runs and strength training.
March hit and I was feeling confident with the effort and dedication I had put into my training smashing out 12km on Saturday 2nd March. The following day Sunday 3rd March out of the blue I suffered a stroke due to an arteriovenous malformation (AVM) and as a result was partially paralysed on one side of my body making running, one of my number one passion’s in life one of my greatest challenges.
An AVM is essentially a birth defect where there is an abnormal connection between arteries and veins that can go unnoticed or in some circumstances can rupture causing bleeding on the brain. Until this moment I had never heard of this malformation and of course didn't know that I had it. I spent the next 10 days in the Austin Hospital allowing time for the swelling on my brain to decrease in preparation for surgery to remove the AVM on Tuesday 12th March. After surgery I spent roughly 40 hours in the ICU ward of the hospital where I could be monitored extremely closely and was eventually moved back to Ward 6 West where I stayed for another 6 nights.
After numerous MRI scans, angiograms, CT scans, EEG scans and assessments from physiotherapy, occupational therapy and the epilepsy team I was able to return home with my family. I was away from home for a total of 2.5 weeks and during this time I missed milestone moments of my daughter’s development including sitting up unassisted and crawling for the first time, precious one-off moments that I will never get again.
Friday 5th April, I turned 30 and was certainly not the fit and healthy person I had aspired to be earlier in the year. I celebrated my birthday with my first out-patient physiotherapy session where I remember feeling deflated as the session offered a true representation of the work I had ahead of me. At this point thinking back, the scariest part for me was firstly not knowing what the road to recovery before me entailed and secondly the fact that no one could predict how well I would recover. There were no guarantees that I would be able to walk without a limp, run again or even drive however what I was guaranteed is that I was surrounded by a support network consisting of professional’s, family and friends that would do absolutely everything possible to make sure I had the best chance at a full recovery.
After only 5 months of weekly physiotherapy sessions and dedication to incorporating physiotherapy exercises into my daily routine, I was discharged from my outpatient physiotherapy program. From early September my recovery has been my own responsibility and I have really enjoyed accomplishing goals I set for myself and then working towards the next one. To this date (16th December) the furthest I have run is 7km and hope to achieve 10km by the end of 2019. My fitness has built up now to a point where I don’t fatigue as quickly and my average week now consists of exercising 5 days with Tuesday and Sunday generally being my rest days. My routine remains to be a combination of running various distances anywhere from 2-7km’s plus a strength program 3 days a week and I have incorporated 2 gym classes into my routine for variety.
Since having Millie, a constant battle in my mind and I’m sure it’s the same for most mums was making the decision of returning to work or not and what was best for myself and my family. I was due to return to work after 12 months maternity leave which would have been April however this obviously wasn’t possible after having the stroke. I had a medical clearance to return to work performing light duties as of mid-June but the assumption was made by management that I wouldn’t be returning to work this year and my maternity leave contract had not been notified of my plan to return. I was therefore asked to hold off returning till September. This then led to a discussion in August where I was made redundant. In all honesty this has been the greatest blessing as when I walked into the office that day I felt a strong sense that it wasn’t a place a wanted to return to and the decision was taken out of my hands (plus I got a payout).
I admit early on there were points where I struggled with the idea that being a stay at home mum wasn’t enough and I needed to achieve more. I have a university degree and felt like I was wasting it until I listened to a particular podcast episode from The Happy Mama Movement by Amy Taylor-Kabbaz called ‘No More Superwoman’ and for the first time since becoming a mum I finally felt that being a mum is enough (for now anyway).
The 29th October is known around the world as ‘World Stroke Day’. An excellent opportunity to increase awareness of the diverse range of people stroke affects every day. As I experienced this year a stroke can happen to anyone at any age. Admittedly I had always associated stroke with the elderly or overweight, clearly two factors that I was not. According to the Stroke Foundation website stroke is one of Australia’s biggest killers and leading cause of disability and it can happen to anyone. I was fit and healthy at age 29 when I had one. Be aware of the signs, think F.A.S.T and act FAST.
Face – check their face, has it drooped?
Arms – can they lift both arms?
Speech – is their speech slurred?
Time – is critical. If any of these signs are present call emergency services immediately.
On 31st October my photo featured in the #ChangeTheFaceOfStrokeCampaign on Instagram created by @joesorocks. The campaign commenced on World Stroke Day and continues now into December. Each video posted features photos of stroke survivors from all over the world hoping to bring awareness to the diverse range of people affected by stroke. The campaign has also offered an amazing opportunity for myself to connect with fellow stroke survivors, people who 100% understand and can relate to what I have been through and the daily challenges that we continue to face.
Now to summarise a few ‘lessons’ I have learnt from this major experience of 2019 that has led me to ‘’a new perspective’’ on life.
It is ok to accept help.
Now I truly believe that if people didn’t want to help, they wouldn’t offer. Initially when I had the stroke we were overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends and family. We had meals cooked for us and people constantly offering to babysit and drive myself and the kids to appointments, parks and even do our grocery shopping. We are truly grateful to be surrounded by such a wonderful support team.
There is no time like the present.
I no longer message friends expressing ‘would love to catch up soon’ I now message expressing that I would love to catch up followed by specific dates and availability and locking in a date before closing off the conversation which moves onto my next lesson….
We don’t know what the future holds.
As I have experienced firsthand our lives can change, and our worlds be turned upside down in seconds. I have learnt to make the most of every moment as we truly don’t know when might be our last. Yes, some days are more difficult than others however I now find myself often reflecting to one of my sister’s tattoos ‘this too shall pass’ when life is feeling a bit shitty.
Health is #1
I cannot begin to imagine how different my outcome could have been if I wasn’t already fit and healthy before having the stroke. There is no doubt that this has played a major factor in my recovery and the level I have managed to build back up to 9 months post-surgery. It is now my #1 motivator to maintain a balanced healthy lifestyle forever.
I have so much to be grateful for.
This lesson would be long enough to be its own blog so l will summarize simply with words; surviving, Australia’s healthcare scheme, recovery, family, health, friends, sunrises and sunsets, going to the toilet unassisted, handwriting, running, driving, Queensland sun, birthday cake, meditation, journaling.
As I conclude reflecting on 2019 my year has been clearly defined by the stroke however I truly believe that this happened to me because the universe knew I could ‘handle’ it. Now it’s time to wrap up 2019 see what challenges 2020 will throw my way. Bring it on!
Wishing everyone a very happy, healthy and safe Christmas and New Year!
Thank you for reading!
Sammy